(Tarot) Writing is Really Hard

Writing is really hard.

I’ve been writing the companion book for my upcoming Tarot deck, the Unifying Consciousness Tarot, for some time now. To be more accurate, I agonized and over thought about it for quite some time. Then, I spent some time doubting myself and my ability to say anything that made sense or mattered at all. Then, I wrote the book.

I had momentary euphoria. I knew the book needed a lot of work, but I was proud of myself for getting something down on paper and for doing what I said I would do.

I am now in the process of editing the book, with a wonderful editor and fellow mystic as my guide.

I still have some of my sense of humor, but mostly I am in a pit of angst and self-doubt and long-dark-night-of-the-soul.

Writing is horrible. Why would anyone want to put themselves through this?

And, writing is wonderful. I want to learn this craft. I want to hang out with the muses. I want to get good at this.

I feel self-conscious writing this post right now. I used to be able to let the words flow out, but now I’m hyperaware of everything I say.

I am looking at the printout of the chapter I’m working on covered in editing notes, sitting on the corner of my desk, and I have the sudden urge to fold my laundry or do some vacuuming.

But, I am in love with our Tarot deck, and there is no way that I’m going to give up.

So, I’ll put the melodrama aside, dive in, and see what I can come up with.

The Tarot card that helps me most these days is the Eight of Pentacles. It’s been coming up a lot for me recently in my daily card draws. The Eight of Pentacles tells me to just get to work already. Sit down, and do the work. No shiny distractions, no illusions of grandeur, no existential crisis, just do the work.

My Tarot soul card is the High Priestess, and my personality card is Judgement, so my usual state of being flows between wicked self-knowledge and crazy accurate intuition to high drama and thinking that every single decision or action or possibility is so meaningful that it paralyzes me. That’s why I need those Pentacles, to keep my feet firmly on the ground and my head out of the clouds.