I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster lately, in my mind.
My business is going well, both as a Tarot reader and a wedding officiant. I have seen successes, repeat clients, happy clients and referrals…and yet I am sometimes immobilized by a lack of self confidence. I have pushed myself outside of my comfort zone, again and again, with great results, and yet…there is still that cold feeling in the pit of my stomach every once in a while, that voice that says you don’t know what you’re doing. So, I undercut myself, I limit myself, even though my logical brain knows this is ridiculous.
I’ve had enough of this. I am proud of myself. I like myself! I’d hang out with me at a party and be fascinated by the stories I have to tell. My heart swells with joy when I tell people what I do for a living.
And I know that I help my clients with these exact issues, with my cards.
So today, I’m going to heal myself a little. Here’s a spread I created this morning, and a HIGHLY ABRIDGED explanation of what I see for myself in the cards.
1 – Where is this lack of confidence coming from?
2 – How does this feeling impact my life?
3 – Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?
4 – What is the reality of the situation?
5 – How can I nurture my own confidence and self esteem?
6 – What is an action step I can take today to further this goal?
7 – How will my life change if I embrace myself and my talents?
8 – Message from the Goddess to inspire and inform me
Where is this lack of confidence coming from? Strength. No kidding, that’s me, wrestling that lion within myself. I see this as a concern for basic survival and safety that needs to be addressed. I am confident in my Tarot abilities and talents, but not so sure that I will be able to provide for myself and my family when it comes to the basic, material needs. For my higher purpose to be reached, I have to calm that lion, and do what I need to do to feel secure. If I’m in a fight or flight mindset, I won’t be able to think long term or formulate long term plans.
How does this feeling impact my life? The Hanged Man. Yep, again, so obvious. Inaction, a lot of soul searching without moving forward. Feeling hung up and kind of wanting to stay there on some level. Stuck in my own inner world and not taking the steps that are necessary to create my vision in the real world.
Do I have a valid reason to feel this way? Seven of Swords. Ouch, but I get it. It’s time to stop hiding or sneaking around, time to get out of that imposter mindset and really put myself out there. Also, I need to be more mindful of of my words, to speak with my authentic voice, without worrying about what others may think.
What is the reality of the situation? The Lovers. Ah, now this I like. I truly LOVE what I do, it is a labour of love, and I do connect with the Divine when I do it. Embrace that, love it, love myself.
How can I nurture my own confidence and self esteem? King of Swords. Step into that King role, don’t be afraid to see things clearly, know my priorities and cut through all the noise and crap. I am an Air sign, I spend a lot of time in my mind, now I must master that domain. Also, see myself as a KING, as a grown up person who has achieved much and has expertise to offer the world.
What is an action step I can take today to further this goal? Eight of Swords. Unexpected and interesting card…it is telling me to examine how I am limiting myself, and to formulate a plan to leave that behind. Spend some time today thinking clearly and honestly about how I am tying myself up, and then find the power to cut myself free.
How will my life change if I embrace myself and my talents? Ace of Wands. Eureka! Inspiration will blossom, I’ll clear the way to my BIG idea, the next big project, the book or the deck that is waiting to be born.
A Message from the Goddess. Three of Pentacles. Love this very practical card here. Look for opportunities to collaborate with others in my tribe, foster good relationships, find ways to support my colleagues and create mutually beneficial situations. Create the blueprint for self confidence and growth from the ground up, its ok to ask for help from others to build a strong foundation for my life and my vocation.
I feel energized, I feel inspired and ready to move towards that Ace of Wands! This is one aspect of the cards that I truly love, their capacity to take ourselves out of the repeating narrative that we have created for ourselves, perhaps trapped ourselves in, and to guide us in a direction that is aligned with our true path and filled with clarity and joy.
If you’re feeling less than awesome today, try this spread, and act on what it has to tell you. I know you’re awesome, but if you need that clear, external confirmation, the cards are ready to help.